Lets talk about another issue that had a great impact on my life and my view of life. I believe that this happened the summer between first and second grade or age six. It was sexual abused by a neighbor who lived behind our house. As far as I can figure, it was daily for much of that summer.This experience had a profound affect on my entire relationship life. I started dating in my late teens and early twenties. If the guy got a little frisky, I would develop a blistering head ache and have to go home. Later, when I went on the pill, the headaches became migraines. I suffered from severe migraines for over thirty years. Severe in that the migraines would last 6-7 days twice a month. Somehow I was able to work through these headaches and then crash. Menopause has been kind to me in this area.
I do not remember everything that happened related to the sexual abuse. It was a lost memory until 1999. I was talking with a counselor when all of a sudden I had a vision. This vision was of me and as me through my eyes as six year old. I was naked, looking down on my little body from behind my eyes. I was having all these sexual feelings… ??? Something that a six year old would never have. Instant panic and instant shame.
I was in counseling… that was good. I did talk therapy and EMDR as well as energy healing to help me retrieve the information and heal.
EMDR is an eye movement deprogramming reprocessing technique. It is a way to taking a trauma and reprocessing it and filing it so that the experience doesn’t haunt the person. I recommend it.
One of the imagines I had in retrieving this experience include the man laying on top of me and not being able to breathe. He also made me straddle him. Then “I” saw “me” walk away and “I” was stuck behind to garage.
I also did a soul retrieval. I used a counselor for this process. In a meditative state, I went back and got my six year old self who was stuck behind the garage. I had to help my terrified six year old self grow up emotionally. I am an adult even though that wounded part of me may not be. When my “little girl” would get frighten, I would hold myself and tell her that I had it. This is what we need to do or that we would figure it out. It really didn’t take very long. Almost there.
So it is one day at a time, one moment at a time staying in the present. It is in the present that we can handle life. It is impossible to handle life when much of the psyche is stuck some place in the past.
Assignment… Add all the gratitude for today. Be gratitude.