Unresolved trauma causes a great deal of pain. People will self medicate to feel better. You can self medicate with alcohol, drugs, scheduling too many activities, workaholic, TV-zoner and and what ever else that takes you out of the pain and into a different daze.
Yesterday I discussed traditional therapy and healing with sound via Centerpointe’s Holosync technology. There were some healing programs. Energy healing can really help people who are affected from childhood trauma.
Today, I would like to share with you what it is like being in the “fog” and steps I took (and take) to get clear.
Think about the different real life “fogs” you have experienced. Was it around your house, or in a field? How about driving in the fog? What about a fog at night? How about a snowy foggy night?
When you have childhood trauma in your life, you most likely had many feelings. Of course it wasn’t safe to express those feelings. So most of us just held them inside.
Anger is an OK emotion to have. It is a guide that something is amiss in your life and needs your attention. Children of trauma experience feelings. However they are dismissed and not validated by the adults in charge. It is so bad that the child dismisses them but they can’t get rid of the emotion. It just gets stuffed. And stuffed. And stuffed… and so on. You get my drift.
I learned about fear. I was afraid of everything: to fail and to live. People deal with fear in different way. One way is to fight, another to flee and a third way by freezing. What I did was freezing and practiced being invisible.
Growing up in an alcoholic home and being sexually abused were two of the three legs that framed my life as a youngster. The third pile of abuse happened at school. The alcoholic home was an on-going issue as was the abuse at school by the teachers.
In medicine we have a directive of “first do no harm.” Should be a directive in the schools too. Here is the saga…
I attended the public school for kindergarden and first grade. Then I transferred to the local catholic school that had just been built. My first grade teacher told my parents that I was retarded and with any luck I would get passed through 8th grade. Hmmm.
Lets talk about another issue that had a great impact on my life and my view of life. I believe that this happened the summer between first and second grade or age six. It was sexual abused by a neighbor who lived behind our house. As far as I can figure, it was daily for much of that summer.
I think that I will spend a blog entry on each part or issue that has set up the framework for my life. The three challenges began around the ages of five to seven and continued to give and give for years and years.
I said that i didn’t have many memories of my childhood and I don’t. I have a very poor memory. I suspect that the poor memory is defense mechanism on my part. But I do remember some interesting clips. This one is about growing up in an alcoholic home.
I did not come a crossed forgiveness by accident. It was earned. Like many people my past is splattered with good and difficult experiences. Based on these experiences, I made assumptions about people and life. I pretty much have experienced a life base on these assumptions, decisions and beliefs.
I have found that life has been a struggle. I have been depressed much of the time. Why? What happened?